I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
