Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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