covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
