bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
