I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
