i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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