As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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