There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
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