I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
