so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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