Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
