Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
