We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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