carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
