last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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