ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
So. Much. Porn.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
