I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
