What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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