He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
