I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
