Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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