i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
