Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Is it penis luge time yet?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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