Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
