You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
