Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
