I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
