I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Houston, we have a squirter
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
