Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
