Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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