maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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