my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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