I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
