now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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