Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
