Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
