im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Everclear isn't food dammit
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
