I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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