my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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