Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
