So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
