Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
