dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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