Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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