I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
