We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
