I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
