Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
