im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I don't deserve a penis
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
