Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
