you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
