So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
