I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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